Which “Monty Python” Sketch Is Totally Your Life?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
8 min
Which “Monty Python” Sketch Is Totally Your Life?
Image: BBC1/BBC2

About This Quiz

You may have had some outlandish theories that explain the bizarre course of your life, some of which you may have even spoken of to your friends. You may have entertained the simulation theory, or you might think that God is a child or a cat. Have you ever considered that your life could be a sketch from "Monty Python's Flying Circus"?

"Monty Python" was only on the air for a short time in the late 1960s and early 1970s. Still, it had a huge cultural impact, leading to further collaborations by its stars, feature films by its director, and shorthand in the world of television writing that remains in use to this day. It was the comedy equivalent of The Beatles, only without the screaming fans or longevity, or duelling solo careers, or the money ... So it wasn't exactly like The Beatles.

It forever changed how the English speaking world saw comedy. More importantly, it presented the world with a twisted, yet all too familiar version of reality. Have you ever been sold a literal dead parrot? No. Have you ever had to argue your case to a customer service representative? Of course you have. "Monty Python" feels so real because beneath all the silliness is a real insight into life. Which "Monty Python" sketch are you living in right now? Take this quiz, and we'll tell you.

1 - wafer thin I have a small question that is just wafer-thin! What sort of social situation do you find difficult?
Intransigent conversations
I don't do well when the whole room turns on me.
I find all social situations awkward. Very awkward.
You want to know about "difficult"? Have you ever had to work 26 hours a day in a mine for two pence a year?

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2 - ducks and wood do not weigh the same How do you react when society tells you what to do, or what to think, like that ducks and wood do not weigh the same?
I fight back, don't I?
I live my own life, and I'm my best self!
I delve into the "deeper meaning" if you know where I'm going with that.
When society tells me what to do, I remind society that I owe it nothing!

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3 - professional life How powerful are you, in your professional life?
Not very. I get bullied at work.
Totally! I broke the chains from off my neck and made my own way!
I'm no slouch, if you get the drift!
Very. Quite. Yes.

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4 - deepest insecurity On what subject does your deepest insecurity play?
That I'm not worth bothering with
That no one will accept me
That I am fake
That I could lose everything I've gained

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5 - Castle Anthrax What do you remember best about your childhood home, in the shadow of Castle Anthrax?
There was always someone yelling.
It wasn't in a very green place, and that made me a little sad.
It had four walls and a roof, but that wasn't all, eh? Get it?
Home? Ha! We slept in a storm drain, all 26 of us!

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6 - old lady muggers How easy do you find speaking to strangers, like old lady muggers?
It depends on the context ...
Speaking "to" or "at"?
It's very awkward for me.
It's only difficult when the person I'm speaking to is like me.

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7 - hard earned money How careful are you about how you spend your hard-earned money?
I'm very careful because it doesn't come easily!
I spend freely because I earn money freely.
Well, I do take care with the old chequebook, if you know what I'm saying!
I hardly spend any money! When I was growing up, I was lucky if I had clothes on my back, let alone a quid in my pocket!

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8 - dance Do you have many friends who are like you, who dance when they are able?
Oh gosh, no. That would mean I had friends.
There is no one like me!
Well, one or two, if you know what I'm getting at!
Yes, sadly. Too many.

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9 - younger people understanding Do you think that people who are younger than you understand you at all?
I don't know if anyone understands me.
I neither know nor care.
The young people definitely "get what I'm all about."
No. Not at all.

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10 - taken for a ride How much do you worry about if you are getting taken for a ride?
A lot! I'm always on alert for that.
I never worry about that because I'm okay.
I like to think I'm "not to be taken lightly," if you follow my meaning.
I never get taken for rides anymore, but there was a time when I'd be taken for rides everywhere! All the way around the moon, to Jupiter and back.

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11 - hidden talent your father wants you to suppress What is the hidden talent your father wants you to suppress but you just can't?
I don't have one.
I have an excellent singing voice in addition to my other gifts.
Innuendo
Exaggeration

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12 - social situation What sort of social situation puts you at ease?
I'm at ease when I'm the subject of an attack.
When I work all day, I know I'm going to be able to sleep all night.
Something "spicy," if you "catch my drift"!
I'm most at home when I'm someplace like where I grew up: underwater, on fire, in space, and deep underground, all at the same time.

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13 - person do you relate To what sort of person do you relate, other than people like yourself?
People exactly unlike me
I don't really relate to anyone.
I'm OK with certain people. People who have "it," you know?
People who didn't have it quite as badly as I did.

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14 - keep things simple How do you keep things simple?
I relax the old fashioned way: I pick fights!
I like a simple life ... a life among the forests of Canada ... a life of work, of love, and of song ...
I like to think of myself as a "minimalist." Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
Simple? No need for me to keep things simple. For the longest time, things were kept simple for me! Three square meals a day ... of course they were literal squares, made of coal.

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15 - incorrect assumption What is the most likely incorrect assumption made by someone who has just met you?
That I have a spine ...
That I'm at all strange
That I know what I'm talking about
That I ever had it easy!

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Clearly I need to look closer!
The violence inherent to the system!
Oh, I know what you're getting at!
We see that no one is making any sense anymore!

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Blue. No!!!!!!
I seek that which I have heretofore only dreamt of.
To avoid pointy death!
I seek The Grail!

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18 - airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
African or European?
Asian or South American?
North American or Australian?
European or North American?

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19 - buying something Why would you buy something that you definitely don't need, like a random car engine?
It was a bargain!
Because I might need it when I leave this place ... and sing ... sing ... sing ...
I'd do it to attract someone with "huge tracts of land" if you get my meaning.
To give as a gift, obviously

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No, I don't know how to work a proper camera.
Oh, dear. Well, I prefer to sketch, to be honest.
Sure I do, sure I do, nudge nudge, wink wink!
Oh, oh! I understand! Ha! Jolly good one, chap.

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21 - life gets you down When life gets you down, what do you do?
I always look on the bright side of life.
I remind myself that it's always Christmas in Heaven.
I just remember that I'm standing on a planet that's evolving, and revolving at 900 miles an hour.
I jolly well keep my chin up because that's what we do where I come from!

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A political one. There is bound to be a good fight.
A party of two, for half past seven, if you don't mind.
I like a nice "party," yeah. A "party"...
A policemen's ball, of course

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23 - replaced by a robot What are the odds that you will be replaced by a robot, professionally speaking?
I've already been replaced by a robot. I am a robot.
Maybe my current job, but not the one I dream of! Not the one that's in my heart!
Oh, totally. It's bound to happen.
Never! The robots will work for me because I've already suffered enough and it's my go now!

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24 - disagreeable Other than kings who don't know that authority is derived from the consent of the people, who do you find most disagreeable?
Myself. I get into a tiff with myself every time I brush my teeth.
Mounties. Every last one of them.
No one! No one is "disagreeable," nudge nudge.
My pa was disagreeable to be sure, and no one could be less agreeable!

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25 - counting Of what is the counting, and what is the number of the counting?
I don't understand. Is this "abuse"?
Thwacks! And no more than 16!
Three, and it'll be three.
Three. Five is right out.

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26 - others give you the run around Why do you feel as though others give you the run around?
They must think I'm an easy mark, and I'm not!
They think my head is in the clouds, but ... well, OK. It is.
They don't think that! They think I'm worldly!
They hear my accent and think I'm some sort of a bumpkin, but I'll have them know I'm self-made!

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27 - childhood, growing up in the north How would you characterize your childhood, growing up in the north?
Average, I suppose.
It was fine, though my relationship with my parents was less than perfect.
My childhood was "great," and "normal," say no more!
It's my favorite subject in the world. Oh! You mean "What was it like?"

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Not at all, unless you count that time Gavin got a paper cut that gave him a staph infection.
It is one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.
I like "living on the edge," eh?
It's very safe, but then, who could imagine me doing it? After all, I was once paid to eat knives and roll around on bonfires to put them out!

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29 - Ni Answer, or we will say "Ni" again! How competitive are you?
Oh, is this what we're doing? I am the most competitive person in the world and I won't be gainsaid!
Not at all! Life's not a competition!
I'm already a "winner," so there's no need!
I was competitive once, but that was because we had to fight rabid dogs for crusts of stale bread where I come from!

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30 - Ministry of Silly Walks How do you feel at the end of a long day at work at the Ministry of Silly Walks?
Exhausted, like I've been fighting from a corner all day long.
Not too bad, as I've been hanging around in places that make me happy.
Well you know, "not too bad," if you get my meaning.
I feel as though I've earned what I have! I didn't have anything when I was growing up!

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