Which of These British Sports Should You Play?

By: Zoe Samuel

Which of These British Sports Should You Play?
Image: shutterstock

About This Quiz

The United Kingdom is known for its many innovations. It is the home of the locomotive, the gunship, modern constitutional democracy and, of course, queuing for an eternity. In the world of sports, Britain is no less prolific. Athletes of British origin have been a part of almost every major sport in the world, counting among their number superstars of soccer, tennis, cricket, and yes, even cycling. While not every major sport can claim to be of British origin, many can, and with such variety of British sports available, there's something for everyone.

Take for example, the caber toss. An event at many a Highland games, it is more Scottish than a deep-fried-Mars-bar-making machine that runs on Irn Bru. Cabers are essentially small telephone poles, and the caber toss is a sport in which athletes lift the caber from one end, balancing it on their hands, running, and then throwing the caber in the air. Presumably, the winner is determined by the distance traveled by the thrown tree trunk, but since we suspect no one really pays much attention to the sport, even the caber tossers don't know for sure. Badminton is a British sport you, and indeed many other people, may be more familiar with, in which people play a sort of tennis on a volleyball net with racquets that looks like fly swatters, hitting an object that is really called a shuttlecock, which is perhaps the most British thing ever.

So take this quiz and be prepared! We will match you with the British sport that's right for you!

If you saw someone drop their wallet while getting in a taxi and then drive away, what would you do?
Use the cab number to call the taxi company, and return the wallet
Chase the taxi on foot to the next light, to return the wallet
Take the cash, and mail the wallet to the owner
Have the wallet delivered to the owner, with its cash, by singing telegram

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If you were playing cards and suddenly noticed that the deck was marked, what would you do?
Immediately tell everyone
Determine who supplied the deck, then accuse them
Use the deck to cheat
Demand we switch to a game of Magic: The Gathering

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In which traditional British activity do you engage the most?
Apologizing
Queuing
Arguing about Brexit
Getting medical care, free of charge

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How do you like to play "friendly games"?
Quickly, and in a relaxed setting
At about half-speed, so no one gets hurt
Fiercely, like the fate of the world hangs in the balance
All games are friendly games!

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How quick are you on your feet?
Not all that quick
Quite quick
I'm a rocket!
No one is faster than I am! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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How do you feel about players who take dives?
That's not cricket.
That's not on!
It deserves its own Oscar category.
It's totally irrelevant!

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If you had to listen to one British musical act to the exclusion of all other music, forever, which would it be?
Thomas Tallis
The Rolling Stones
Genesis
Mel C

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Which stereotypical British vacation is for you?
The RHS Chelsea Flower Show
Shooting grouse in the Scottish Highlands
Alton Towers! Woo-hoo!
A week of shows at the Edinburgh Fringe

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How is your hand-to-eye coordination?
Excellent
Pretty decent
Terrible
I have no idea!

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Which of these tennis players do you respect the most?
Roger Federer
Andy Murray
John McEnroe
The alien blancmange from Monty Python

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Which British clothing brand do you like the most?
Favourbrook
Barbour
Burberry
Hardy Amies

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How do you feel about showboating in sports?
It's distasteful.
Showboating is uncool.
Showboating is the whole point of playing sports!
I prefer showswimming to showboating.

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In which winter sport do you like to take part?
Downhill skiing
Cross-country skiing
Ice skating
Alpine snowboarding

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What is the best thing about golf?
Golf requires honesty from everyone.
Golf demands discipline and practice.
It's a game that separates the elite from the rabble.
It keeps the golf balls from climbing out of their holes and taking over the world!

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Which of these American spectator sports do you most enjoy watching?
Baseball
Hockey
Lacrosse
NASCAR

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Which British TV show would you binge?
"Newsnight"
"Luther"
"The Great British Bake Off"
"Doctor Who"

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What is the first thing you do after welcoming a guest to your home?
Offer to take their coat
Offer them a drink
Take the bottle of wine they brought with them
Ask if they wouldn't mind helping to put out the fire

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How often do you feel the need to explain things to people who just don't understand?
Never
Very rarely
Every darn day! They're just so dumb!
No one understands anything, but if we did, we would all go mad.

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How long can you run before losing your breath?
100 yards or so
A few miles
Many miles
A few hundred yards

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How do you take your tea?
With a splash of milk and two lumps of sugar
With milk, and a touch of sugar
Lots of sugar, no milk
With coffee

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What do you do after a sports game is over, and you've walked off the field?
Shake hands with my opponents and feed my spaniel
Break bread at the pub
Gloat if I won, slink away if I lost
Gorge on cheese

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Which British auto maker is the appropriate chariot for a gentleman?
Jaguar, maker of discreet, powerful luxury coaches
Land Rover, maker of SUVs designed to conquer terrain, discreetly
Rolls Royce, makers of ostentatious cars that make you look like you've made it
Ariel, makers of road legal go-carts with nearly no storage, and fewer creature comforts

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How well can you take a hit?
Not in the face!
Very well
A real one, or one that I'm pretending happened?
A hit from what? A person, or a great band?

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How do you like your sports scandals?
Few, and viciously prosecuted
Over issues of sportsmanship
Related to personal conduct off the field
On the substitution of Styrofoam for cheese

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What is the appropriate way to celebrate scoring a point?
High five your team!
Thank the players who helped you!
Run around at high speed, tearing off your clothing, and screaming at the top of your lungs!
Devour the prize you won, literally!

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Which of these is the least acceptable (but still acceptable if only just) last-minute excuse for not showing up to a dinner party?
There is a major medical emergency in my family.
Work has kept me late.
I don't bother giving one.
I'm allergic to your other dinner guests.

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How patient are you when it comes to the stress of experiencing a game?
I have the patience of a stone.
I'm not very patient.
I have some patience, but it lasts only 90 minutes or so.
I have zero patience once the game has begun.

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To which virtue should all athletes aspire?
Refined behavior
Good sportsmanship
Wealth
Possession of excellent cheeses

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Which of these British foods would you be willing to try?
Blood pudding
Jammy Dodger
Chipolata
Jelly Baby

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For whom would you give up a seat on public transportation?
The elderly
The physically challenged
Pregnant women
Cosplayers

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You Got:

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