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About This Quiz
All aspiring villains are familiar with the great villains of fiction, from Nurse Ratched to Gordon Gekko to Lex Luthor. But what about real-life role models? Take this quiz to find out which evil figure you're most like!
Do you need to be loved?
Only in that it facilitates my crimes.
I am totally fine with being hated.
If I'd been loved, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I need adulation, but I don't really care if it's real or not.
Do you do your own dirty work?
Yes, but nobody knows that I do.
Of course. That's the point.
Yes, but I step out of my body to do it.
No, but I take pleasure in how everyone knows it was really me but can't do a thing about it.
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Is there anyone you won't screw over?
I thought my immediate family, but ultimately in some ways I screwed them hardest.
My spouse.
No, including my family and myself.
My daughter. Happy to screw over my wives though.
During your worst crimes, did you bother with PR?
Yes. Trust is necessary to the endeavor.
Nope. If people don't like it, too bad for them.
I didn't get the chance.
I constantly engage in a cult of personality. You need supporters in this business.
What's a good goal for a real life supervillain?
To make a huge pile of money and never get found out.
To live like a reverse Robin Hood and laugh at all the people who call you mean.
To get away with murder.
Global domination, natch.
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What weakness do you exploit?
The gullibility of decent folk
The spinelessness of society
The fact that humans are but flesh, after all
The capriciousness of the people
How rich is too rich?
Rich enough that you get investigated.
You can never be too rich.
Once you've gotten your inheritance, that's enough.
Any amount is fine as long as you can find safe places to keep it.
What adjective best describes how people perceive your villainy?
Insidious
Ostentatious
Horrific
Megalomaniacal
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Which comes first: money or power?
Money. You can buy power.
Money and power grow together.
Temporary power, to get permanent money.
Power. Get enough and you can take all the money.
Even the most evil have supporters. What do your supporters admire in you?
My ability to look a friend in the eye and lie.
My financial success.
The fact that I stood up for myself (albeit in a "nontraditional" way).
My willingness to drag the entire world along with me, kicking and screaming.
What positive trait do you see in yourself?
I'm good with numbers.
I tell it like it is.
I'm proactive.
I am a patriot.
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Assuming you're not 100% in this for yourself, who are you in it for?
My heirs
Oh, I'm totally in this for myself.
My sister
White people
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What potential part of your legacy distresses you?
Being a byword for lying conmen.
Being labeled a sad old creep who died alone.
Being known as a raving psycho.
The fact that for all my apparent success, I cannot reverse the trends that will ultimately undo all my deeds.
What common behavior in your fellow man is most useful to you?
Most people are fundamentally honest and decent, and believe that others are too.
Most people are weak and will tolerate abuse.
People tend not to believe women are capable of extreme violence.
People want to believe in a just world that makes sense and rewards people like them - and they will roll over for anyone who promises to deliver that.
What would the world look like if everyone was like your worst self?
Civilization would be impossible because no one would trust each other.
Everyone would be lonely in their finery.
Everyone would beat each other to pieces.
There would be all out war.
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What part of your legacy delights you?
I tried to do right by my family.
Everyone knows I was super rich at the end.
I did it, but I was acquitted.
I didn't need to go to war to deal a body blow to my enemy. I simply thwarted its will to fight me.
In a just world, where would people like you end up?
Disgraced and in jail
Broke and alone
Jail. Just jail.
At the Hague, standing trial for crimes against humanity
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What would you say to one of your victims, if they were in front of you right now?
I'm sorry. I'd almost mean it, too.
Sucks to be you!
Die!
No one understands you like I do. I am your very best friend. Give me your love, and I will do anything for you.
If you could give back what you took from your victims, what would that be?
Their money
Their dignity
Their lives
Their freedom
Who's your typical victim?
A reasonably affluent person who doesn't know too much about what to do with their good fortune.
A poor employee who isn't in a position to stand up for themselves.
Whoever is in front of me when I lose it.
Democracy, and all who love it.
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How do you sleep at night?
I don't.
On 1,000 thread count sheets in a magnificent penthouse. Thanks for asking.
I can't remember my crimes.
I look at a map of the world and picture all of it being mine.
What allies are useful to you?
Shifty moneymen who took a couple steps too far to turn back now.
My partner in life and in crime.
My trusty hatchet.
Gullible populists who buy their own press.
Who would play you in a movie?
Robert de Niro
Glenn Close
Natalie Portman
I'd be animated by whoever drew Dobby the House Elf.
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What accent do you use to underline your villainy?
A slightly Yiddish one, just to really pander to internet racists.
Locust Valley Lockjaw.
An innocuous American one.
Russian, obviously. I'm going for full on Bond villain.
What's your ideal home?
My New York apartment
I have so many of them. Why choose one?
A modest colonial house
A palace, and an empire to put it in
What law, if everyone else obeyed it, could stop a villain like you in their tracks?
Public disclosure of tax returns like in Norway
Decent employee protections
Axe control
Mandatory voting. Apathy is a great friend to villains like me.
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You Got: