Which Weird AF Animal Combination Are You and Your Significant Other?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
Which Weird AF Animal Combination Are You and Your Significant Other?
Image: Alan Tunnicliffe Photography/Moment/Getty Images, Gonalo Barriga/Cultura/Getty Images

About This Quiz

All humans are animals, but not all animals are humans. Humans have been comparing ourselves to animals since we painted them in caves tens of thousands of years ago. Some religions include a tradition of connecting to totemic animals, or "animal spirits" to affect specific animalistic characteristics to aid in feats of strength, intelligence, or endurance.

Today, most people are familiar with the use of animals as metaphor or simile. "He's a cool cat." "She is like a coiled snake." "He is eagle-eyed." These expressions make sense to us because we associate animals with specific qualities, and we associate people with many of those same qualities. When a human being appears to express the animal qualities we know, we tend to call them by the name of that animal.

But couples? And what weird AF animal portmanteau would you and your significant other be, were we to compare you to a pair of animals, blend their DNA in a science fiction sort of way, and name the new species appropriately? Are you a combination of tarantula and tuna? House fly and garden snake? Vampire bat and house cat? Take this quiz and we'll tell you what weird AF animal combination you and your partner really are!

How feared are you, in the workplace?
I terrify everyone.
I'm invisible there.
I'm seen more as goofy.
I'm pitied, not feared.

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Who is the high energy one?
I am, 100%.
We're both high energy, though my partner needs to sleep a lot more than me.
My partner is always "on."
My partner. I have no energy.

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What strategy does your partner use to get ahead?
Set traps for adversaries.
Brute force.
Be creative.
Join the right team.

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What factor gives you the best advantage in your life?
My natural strength.
My threat assessment ability.
My foresight.
I lucked into a job anyone can do.

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What is your usual strategy when you see trouble coming?
Stop looking in the mirror.
Hide!
Go someplace no one can follow.
Nothing. We are all dust in the end.

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How would you describe your partner's crew?
They don't have one.
They're all pretty laid back.
They're really high energy.
They're very different from both of us.

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Would you or your partner volunteer for the military?
Not unless we could be on the front lines.
My boo might.
My boo definitely would.
I don't think either of us would.

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How high pressure is your job?
It's only high pressure if you lack the instinct.
It's so bad I might quit.
I just need time off every now and then.
It's so low pressure, it may as well be in outer space.

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Of the two of you, who strikes people as more intimidating?
We argue about that all the time.
My partner is much more intimidating.
I'm way more intimidating.
Neither us are particularly intimidating.

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Who protects who from danger, in your relationship?
Neither of us. It's our game.
I'm the one protecting.
We take turns, depending on the times.
My partner does everything.

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Who is the playful one?
My partner is definitely playful, but I am too, just in a different way.
My partner is more playful.
I'm more playful.
I'm too lazy to be playful.

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How would you describe your work environment?
It's a murky place.
It's a wasteland.
It's a wide open space.
It feels like a cage.

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How would you describe your partner's work environment?
It's like a big trap.
It's dark and spooky.
It's a real jungle.
It's basically a firehouse.

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What strategy do you use to get ahead?
Charge in, guns blazing.
Wait for the opportune moment.
Keep an eye out for opportunities.
Be cute and hope others will do nice things for you.

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Who are you competing with, in your life?
No one. I'm on the top of the food chain.
Lots of other strivers, struggling.
Other specialists in my field.
I'm just running out the clock.

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How would you describe your relationship?
A meeting of equals.
Opposites attract.
Improbably partners.
We found one strong common trait.

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How long have you been a couple?
A year.
A few months.
A few weeks.
Several years.

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How long term do you think your relationship is?
I think we're going to stick it out a few years.
I hope we last at least a few more months.
I don't think it's serious.
We're on for life.

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What is your partner's view on children?
They want lots of children. Thousands, if possible.
They want a few cubs of their own.
They want a few kids.
They spend all their time on their career and don't want kids.

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Where do you live?
I spend all my time on the road.
I have a home I'm very proud of.
I've got a place with a great view.
I basically live in a spa.

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How is your relationship with your peers?
We're all fighting for dominance.
We're a tight team.
We stay out of each others' way.
We all basically spend the dark marking time.

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What factor gives your partner the best advantage in their life?
They have a great party trick.
They are really adaptable.
They are really intelligent.
They are loyal and friendly.

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How does your morning usually go?
I get up before my partner, make breakfast, and head straight to work.
I poke my head out of bed, find my partner is still asleep, and get things ready for them.
I wake up at dawn, go for a run, and then come home to take care of the family.
I roll over, realize that every day is the same, valueless time devoid of any meaning, and go back to bed.

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How routine is your life?
Days start and end the same way, but that is all.
It's pretty routine.
It's never the same, except for the mornings.
All time is an illusion, and I exist in a nexus of time, looping into itself over and over forever.

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How routine is your partner's life?
My partner spends every day pulling the same threads, but they never seem to tire of it.
They say it's the same every day, but I know better.
It's different every day.
Every day has the same structure, but the work varies a lot.

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How do your friends and your partner's friends get along?
They all seem to have an understanding.
They really disturb each other.
They don't relate to each other at all.
They are as curious about each other as my partner and I are of each other.

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How did you meet?
We were both at a motivational speaking conference.
We met at a restaurant.
We went to school together.
We met at a concert.

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How closely do your life goals align with those of your partner?
100% overlap.
The goals are the same, the means are different.
They are totally different but somehow we make it work.
They're more similar than they appear. We both just want to be taken care of.

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Who is your partner competing with, professionally?
Other strategists.
Other blue collar heroes.
Other creatives.
The elements.

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Who handles the finances in your house?
We keep them separate.
I do.
My partner does.
We each take 100% responsibility for both of us.

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