Who Would Sponsor Your NASCAR Vehicle?

Mark Lichtenstein

Image: WikiCommons

About This Quiz

Being a sponsored race car driver, especially in NASCAR, is about a lot more than just your driving. It's about your personality, the causes you support, the nature of your fan base, and your level of celebrity.

How are you at turning to the left?

I can swing it!

I love turning left.
Is there another way to turn?

Turning left is my specialty.

How close can you draft?

A foot or two

A foot
Six inches

A micron

Can you control a car when the tires turn to jelly?

Somewhat

A bit
I can sure try!

I can, with panache.

How long can you not go to the bathroom?

An hour or two

Hours
I can go once a day if needed.

I will wear a catheter if I need to.

Can you lose gracefully?

Yes

Only if I've really given it my all.
No

Not if I really wanted it.

How's your teamwork?

I'm a passable team member.

I'm an enthusiastic team member.
I'm a good team member, but I might cut off another driver on my team so I could win.

I put the team above all else.

Can you fit through the driver's side window?

It's a squeeze.

If I don't have much to eat.
I can make it in there.

I can make it in there with a jump.

How aggressive are you?

I'm not aggressive.

I'm aggressive, but friendly.
I'm very aggressive.

My aggression could get me killed.

How patient are you?

I'm somewhat patient.

I have average patience.
I'm impatient.

I'm as patient as the tides.

Are you a graceful winner?

No, I do a lot of taunting.

Yes, I say little when I win.
I do a little dance and shout but that's all.

I do nothing when I win but prepare for the next contest.

How do you like the taste of milk?

I prefer cola.

It has a clean taste I like.
I'll take a brew over milk.

Milk tastes like victory to me.

How fast can you shift?

Normal speed

I'm fairly quick.
I shift fast.

It depends on the machine.

Can you do a sweet burnout?

How childish!

I used to do those in high school.
I do those every day!

I can do one, but rubber can be pricey.

Can you do doughnuts while sitting on the driver's side window sill?

Maybe

Yes, I could.
Only if I'm holding a checkered flag.

No, I think not.

Would you ever consider drinking out of a shoe?

No, I'd rather use a glass.

What do I look like? An F-1 driver?
I prefer cans and bottles.

Sure, I'll drink to victory.

Would you be willing to use a product just because it's your sponsor?

That depends on the product.

Sure, I'll play along.
I'll use anything!

If it's something useful.

How do you treat your subordinates?

I don't have any!

Respectfully
Like family

I'm a bit cold, because I don't want to be too familiar.

Can you give a good sound bite?

Nope

I can probably do that.
You want one? I'll give you one right now.

I'd like a script.

How game are you to do ads?

Not really

Sure, why not?
That's my goal.

I will do them if asked.

Are you morally upright in your private life?

I'm very religious.

I'm a pretty good person.
I sin a lot.

I have no vices and treat people well.

How likely are you to do something in your private life that could embarrass your sponsors?

I might.

I would do my best not to.
I could, if I engage in my bad habits.

I would never, under any circumstances.

Are you willing to share the spotlight?

With my team, sure.

With my team and pit crew? Absolutely.
I'll share it with everyone, especially the fans.

I will share it with no one.

Are you funny?

I'm a little funny.

I'm very funny.
I'm funny, but not everyone likes my jokes.

I'm not funny.

Are you personable?

I'm too regional for that.

I'm good with families.
I'm a man's man.

I'm a bit cold.

Do you conform to the image expected of NASCAR drivers?

Not really

Mostly
Exactly

No, I'm more in the mold of a F-1 driver.

Are you eccentric?

Honestly, I am a bit.

I'm pretty bland actually.
I'm very eccentric, in an all-American kind of way.

No, I'm a machine only interested in winning.

How competitive are you?

Competitive enough

I'm competitive, but not obsessive.
I'm very competitive.

I live for competition.

Are you willing to do a dangerous maneuver to win?

No

It depends on the danger.
Only if I'm sure I can pull it off.

I will do anything, even at risk of my life.

How many times have you wrecked a car?

Two or three

Once, and it was total.
Many times

Never

Would you ever consider departing to race in the Indy 500?

No

If the money was right.
Of course I would!

Only once I have mastered NASCAR.

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