Play a Game of "Would You Rather" and We'll Give You a Mythical Creature Guardian

By: Zoe Samuel
Image: Wiki Commons via BenduKiwi

About This Quiz

The last time we gave someone a mythical creature guardian without asking them to do a "would you rather" game, it was a total disaster, and our insurer decided never to insure us for it again. It was a mess: fur and feathers were everywhere, and the person we gave it to got teleported into the 16th realm of the fifth dimension and turned into a magnetic fish.

Naturally, being paired with the correct mythic creature guardian is of paramount importance. If you don't answer this quiz honestly, we can't take responsibility for the consequences. We're still sifting through a grain silo for the first person who lied about this stuff, and we thought we'd paired him with the most docile of mythical creature guardians. Think of this survey as a form you'd fill out at the doctor's office, a psychiatrist's office or a police station, because if you don't answer honestly, you may end up having to visit all three of those places, though not necessarily in that order.

So think hard, answer honestly, and everything will be fine. We can pair you with the mythical creature guardian that is right for you. Please just tell us the truth. We couldn't handle another Elizabeth, NJ incident.

Would you rather go out for the evening or stay home?

Would you rather gamble in a casino or speculate on stocks?

Would you rather assemble your own model or just buy a toy?

Would you rather endure a recession or lose your mind?

Would you rather walk 500 miles safely, or ride a car while in fear for your life?

Would you rather jump off a three-story roof and hurt your ankles, or sit on a sharp tack with your bare bottom?

Would you rather a short, unpleasant flight, or a long, tolerable train ride?

Would you rather have a lovely ice cream cone or have your mind shattered into a thousand pieces by an unspeakable horror?

Would you rather have a high-paying job you're only OK with, or a dream job that leaves you broke?

Would you rather get a heartfelt thank you letter in the mail, or a gift certificate?

Would you rather go on a dream vacation with someone annoying, or a terrible trip with someone you think is awesome?

Would you rather have the magic power of flight or have all perceptions shattered, know unadulterated truth and lose all sense of the concept of faith?

Would you rather be a really good juggler or a really good musician?

Would you rather have the coolest friends, or be cool yourself?

Would you rather be praised for something you didn't do, or get a little pat on the back for something you did do?

Would you rather hit a home run in the World Series, or realize that you are but a tiny hair on the back of a giant beast that is the whole universe?

Would you rather your favorite movie get a pretty decent sequel, or get to watch it again for the first time every time you see it?

Would you rather face social shame or monetary damages?

Would you rather your best friend turn into a jerk or your spouse turn into a jerk?

Would you rather bite into an apple only to find out it is a little mealy, or gain the power to control minds at the cost of having your mind controlled?

Would you rather win a large fortune in stock that will one day be valuable, or a huge pile of cash now?

Would you rather know how to fix everything cheaply, or replace everything cheaply?

Would you rather live in a large, comfortable house in a bad neighborhood or a small, nasty house in a really nice neighborhood?

Would you rather write the great American novel, or write the Necronomicon in the lifeblood of the dead gods?

Would you rather have to ride a bike to work in the winter, or wear a heavy winter coat all summer?

Would you rather pay no ATM fees but huge checking fees, or no checking fees but huge ATM fees?

Would you rather live in a cozy house or a cold, modern, house?

Would you rather own an adorable puppy or a cat in whose eyes lie only madness?

Would you rather have ten million frequent flyer miles or ten million credit card points?

Would you rather eat chocolate without any health detriments or steak without any health detriments?

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