What Is Your Stereotypical American Name, According to a British Person?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
6 min
U.S. State Flags America is a big place! What quarter of it are you from?
The Northeast, of course
The Southeast, friend
The Northwest, buddy
The Southwest, dude

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Girlfriends on a Night Out Americans work longer hours than Brits. What do you do on a Saturday night to cut loose?
I go to the opera.
I have a backyard barbecue.
I go to my gym and get ripped.
I hang out on the beach with my friends.

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Happy brunette woman driving a car What type of vehicle do you own and like best?
I inherited my daddy's old Benz.
My trusty pickup is so old, all the brand badges have fallen off.
I drive an American muscle car.
I have a plug-in eco-hybrid that runs on dreams.

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Young couple snorkelling with Starfish If you were to go on a beach vacation, in which activity would you most want to engage?
I would sail, of course.
I'd body surf.
I would go diving.
I would break out the old surf board.

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Confident young man in street How do you like to adjust your look to be cool?
I pop up the collar of my Polo and slap on the shades.
I put on my best jeans jacket and trucker cap.
I wear a V-neck that's a couple of sizes too small.
I just chill because I'm cool all the time.

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Young man in athletic clothing and sunglasses Everyone has a sartorial quirk. What is yours?
My rakish, après ski ensemble
I have pants old enough to vote.
I always wear sporty clothing.
I make my own clothes.

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Couple on shopping spree, London, UK Let's turn the tables for a moment. What is your impression of people from the U.K.?
I like them, or at least I like my British cousins.
They're all John Bulls. Or is it Johns Bull?
They're alright.
They're all really sophisticated, like Doctor Who or the GEICO gecko.

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Smiling young man walking down stairs in city Time outside has an effect on the body and mind. How much sun do you get on an average day?
I can't go outside for long, or my skin will burn and slough off.
I spend all day outside! It's my job!
I like to get out so I can sweat it old school.
I like to get out to get in touch with nature at least a little every day.

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Bunch of food on the table America is a culinary adventure. Which of these foods would you order in a restaurant?
Coq au vin, surely — What would my chums at the country club think if I had a burger?
Chicken-fried steak — Gimme!
I'll have a protein smoothie made with peanut milk, please. I'm on keto.
I'll have a vegan burrito, hold the tortilla, and with no beans or rice.

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Young woman looking at map Most Americans haven't traveled abroad. Pretend that you haven't, and answer this: Where would you go first?
Scotland, for the fishing
Mexico, for the parties!
Brazil, for an MMA tournament
France, because the people are really in touch with their feelings.

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US Capitol in Washington, DC American politics are very different than those in the UK. Leaving aside the two major parties, what are your political party leanings?
The Objectivist Party
The Reform Party of the United States of America
The Libertarian Party
The Green Party

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Man holding sports equiments Sports are huge in 'murica. Which one are you into?
Polo-fencing, naturally.
Caber-baseball, yup.
Full contact checkers is my jam.
Quidditch, I'm in a league!

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Various professions Americans often define themselves by their jobs. Which of these best describes your job?
An overpaid desk job I got through nepotism
An underpaid manual labor job I secured as soon as I was able to
I'm a contracted professional who works one-on-one with clients.
I have my own business which specializes in concentrating the most woo out of crystals' ability to localize our quantum consciousness.

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Contortionist using laptop computer Having a special skill seems like something all Americans are entitled to. What's yours?
I'm an expert on all things related to dress socks.
I once made a 6-foot long box stitch.
I can open a can with my teeth.
My hands have healing powers.

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College student "University" as Brits would call "college," shapes us from a young age. Which best describes the college you attended?
The one to which my parents donated a wing
I think we just call it "community" college.
A total party school, man
I went to an online university/diploma mill.

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Pets Pets are massively popular in America. Assuming you have one, which one of these is closest to describing your pet?
A duck tolling retriever
A lizard
A parrot
A cat

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Sailing crew Everyone in America has a crew. What's the name of yours?
The WASPs of Locust Valley
Them folks that's from the swamp
BJJ4Lyfe
The Krystal Kidz

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Eddie Redmayne Which of these British actors do you appreciate the most?
Eddie Redmayne
I like that bald guy who plays Professor X. What's his name? Jean Luc Picard
Daniel Craig
Kate Winslet

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Woman leaning on bicycle When meeting someone new, people often latch onto a prominent physical feature. What is your most memorable feature?
My elegant fingers
My powerful glutes
My broad shoulders
My third eye

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Keep fit Americans are huge on healthy living, at least in theory. How do you stay fit?
I let my personal chef take care of those needs.
My job keeps me fit.
I hit the gym twice a day, every day.
I project how I want to be into the universe.

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Woman taking photograph at Bryce Canyon National Park, Utah Which of these is your idea of a great domestic vacation destination?
An exclusive ski resort
A road trip
Going to a sports meet
Visiting an energy vortex

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Confident executives smiling in front of flag The American government is a fascinating force in the world. If you were to work a government job, what sort of job would you want?
I'd need to be in the executive branch, obviously. I couldn't be seen around Congress after "the incident"...
Postal worker. I like routine.
I'd want a cool job, like working for the DEA, the FBI, the CIA, the DOD, or the SEALs. I like acronyms you can shout.
I'd want to work in the judiciary, expanding fairness and decency for all!

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Traditional British Dishes Sunday roast British food has a bit of a reputation. What do you think about it?
It's fine, with enough butter.
I love English muffins! They make me feel so fancy!
I like beef Wellington, minus the Wellington. I can't have any carbs, brah.
I make a lot of ancient Druidic cures and tinctures on my own.

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Young man playing drums in rock band When you kick it with your friends, what music do you rock out to?
Old school rap
Country-pop
Dubstep
Top 40

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Professional wrestling In which of these all-American forms of "sports entertainment" have you dabbled?
I love pro-wrestling. Kayfabe, baby!
I used to cart when I was a kid. Loads of fun.
Bungee jumping is the bomb.
I played lacrosse, once upon a time.

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Fish and Chips Which of these products are you surprised to discover is actually British?
Those cream egg things
Dyson Vacuums
The Ford Fusion
American Idol

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Matt Damon and Luciana Barroso on red carpet Everyone is fascinated by celebrities. What celebrity would a British person think you must know because all Americans know each other?
Matt Damon, because we went to school together
Matthew McConaughey, because he's my cousin's friend's brother's wife's cousin
The Rock, because I totally look like him, brah
Gwyneth Paltrow, because I used to be her assistant

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Woman studying from internet While Brits haven't embraced self-help so much, Americans love it! What self-help method have you tried?
Being related to richer people
Working harder
Magic diets
Positive energy

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Football players on the field What Euro-centric activity would you consider trying?
"Football" aka soccer
Eating with a fork
Wearing hats that are not for baseball
Not taking things too seriously

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Beautiful tattooed woman British people think all Americans are badass. What badass tattoo do you have?
I don't have a tattoo! It's against the dress code!
I have a giant wolf on my shoulder blade with the word "Victory" under it.
I have veins tattooed on my biceps. Don't tell anyone!
I have the Zoroastrian symbol of acceptance tattooed on the soles of my feet.

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