British Men: Are You a Chap, a Bloke, a Geezer or a Boffin?

By: Zoe Samuel

British Men: Are You a Chap, a Bloke, a Geezer or a Boffin?
Image: Jamie Garbutt / DigitalVision / Getty Images

About This Quiz

These days, there are many more ways to be a true Brit than there were a hundred years ago, which is handy since the old ways didn’t suit many of us! Today’s Britain is a more tolerant place for those who are different, and even men don’t have to squash themselves into a box that doesn’t fit.

Still, while some things surely change, others stay the same. The four great British archetypes change their names, but they’re still with us. There’s the chap, an affluent fellow from an aristocratic family who knows he’s a little out of touch but does his best to be decent about it. There’s the bloke, an honest sort of guy who’s a good friend and a better husband and father, but may not shake the world too much with his modest ambitions. 

There’s the geezer, who’s always on the make and is determined to come good and buy his mum a house one day — if he can stay on the straight and narrow long enough! Then there’s the boffin, the put-upon nerd whose role models broke the Enigma code and who knew if he could just survive school, he’d find his people out there somewhere.

They’re all good men, but they have different life philosophies. Which of these fine British specimens are you?

What sport do you play for fun?
Polo
Cricket
Football
Why would anyone do sports for fun?

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How do you feel about the Queen?
She's awfully witty, is our Liz.
She's a good and decent leader, which is a rare thing. I appreciate her.
Her Maj is the ultimate in every way, and I salute her.
The monarchy is ridiculous but she is personally OK.

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Would you call yourself a traditionalist?
Yes
Probably
In some ways
Goodness, no!

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What topic would you never discuss at a dinner party?
Money
Politics
The law
Social justice

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What outfit makes you feel all dressed up?
Morning suit
School uniform
Pinstripes
Anything with lapels

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Which is the most exciting event in your social calendar?
Henley Regatta
FA Cup
Grand National
Internet of Things (IoT) Tech Expo at Olympia

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Your mate asks you to be his best man. Where will the stag do take place?
A skiing lodge in Aspen, Colorado
Ljubljana, Slovenia
Ibiza, innit?
A little cottage in the Highlands

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What kind of pet do you have?
Spaniel
Labrador
I don't have one — I travel too much.
Cat

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In your dream house, what special room would be included just for you?
Painter's studio
Shed
Game room
Laboratory

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How do you like to give back to your community?
Money, mostly
I help at the kids' school.
I give cash to a lot of people who need it.
I invent things they need.

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In a normal year, how many times do you go overseas?
Three
One
Eight
Two

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Would you ever start your own business?
Of course
No
I have, many times.
If I had the right idea

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To which long-running British soap do you relate most easily?
"The Archers"
"Coronation Street"
"Eastenders"
"Holby City"

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What sort of secondary school did you attend?
Private and expensive
Comp, then vocational college
Local comprehensive
Selective state school

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At what age did you first sit on a horse?
3
8
I have never done this.
18

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Who mows your lawn?
My gardener, Graham
I do.
I live in a flat without a lawn.
I have a guy who comes round.

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How far back can you trace your family tree?
872 AD
Tudor times
On one side, Victorian times — on the other, no idea!
Only two or three generations

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What socially awkward situation would be sure to make you squirm?
Everyone knowing how much debt I'm in
Everyone finding out a phobia of mine
Getting caught cheating at cards
Nothing makes me squirm, I'm too oblivious!

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If you had to leave Britain in a hurry because the law was onto you and you did actually do it, how would you do it?
Private jet
Car and ferry
Train. I have a plan.
Boat

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How close do you live to the town or village where you grew up?
Same place, though I spent 15 years elsewhere
Next town over
I live in London now so quite far, but I visit when I can!
Hundreds of miles

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For what political party would you vote if you wanted to really upset your parents?
Labour
Greens
Tories
Scottish, Welsh or Irish Nationalists

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What do you call your mother's mother?
Granny
Grams
Nan
Grandma

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Even if money were no object, what price point would still make you uneasy when buying a car?
Over £50,000! I have an estate to run!
Over £25,000. Anything more and I'd worry about scratching it.
No amount. If a £50,000 car is good, logically, a £100,000 one is twice as good.
Over £5,000. I don't see the point in fancy cars!

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Which generation of your family were you to live in your childhood residence?
Fifth or higher
Second
Third
First

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How many of your neighbors do you know?
Most of them by sight at least, but I'm only friends with a few.
Most, by name too!
None in my new home, but all of them back home
A few by sight, but none by name

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What would definitely make you cry in front of everyone?
If I saw a movie in which a dog died
If England won the World Cup
If I put a large bet on a horse and it fell at the first fence
If we put a man on Mars

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What is typically the most special meal in your week?
Sunday lunch
Sunday dinner
Saturday dinner
Friday dinner

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Which British TV or movie hero is totally you?
James Bond
Doctor Who
Del Boy Trotter
Sherlock Holmes

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What would your job have been in World War Two?
Field-Marshal commanding one of our armies
Regular soldier
Member of the irregulars, blowing things up behind Nazi lines
Bletchley Park codebreaker

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Do you have a family crest?
Of course! It's engraved on our gate!
Yes actually, though I don't use it
Yes, I bought one from the Royal College of Arms.
I don't think so.

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You Got:

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