Which "Red Dwarf" Character Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel

Which "Red Dwarf" Character Are You?
Image: BBC

About This Quiz

Ever since it premiered in 1988, "Red Dwarf" has been forcing audiences to re-evaluate how they view the science fiction genre. When it began, the BBC had a microscopic budget to invest in sets and special effects, so despite being hard sci-fi, "Red Dwarf" took a tack in the direction of character rather than outer plot. This meant that episodes might deal with the discovery of a rift in space-time or the Red Dwarf (the titular vessel of the show) coming upon a derelict spacecraft or the like, but the story was always about the relationship dynamic between the show's protagonists.

As to the characters, they were as off the wall as any television character from any genre. At the center of the story was Dave Lister, a relatable if somewhat slovenly everyman who, through trying to get a free ride back to Earth, found himself awakening from a state of suspended animation aboard the Red Dwarf, millions of years after going to sleep and long since the disappearance of the human race. Surrounding him was a cast of characters as bizarre as the circumstances Lister called his life, including a highly evolved pet, a holographic pedant and a robot who lived to make all things clean. Given these and other "Red Dwarf" characters, which one are you? Answer some questions, and we will tell you!

1 Theyre dead dave Your friend's crush died in a nuclear accident, and he's sad he never told her how he felt. What would you do?
I would disguise myself as the loved one and try to give my friend closure.
I would tell my friend that their friend probably knew.
I would tell my friend that I don't have any useful advice to give them.
I'd tell them that they should forget about her and work on their personal style ...

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2 Meeting Which part of your past do you wish to forget?
Asking for hot soup that time
I failed to make a move when someone else didn't but wanted to. I'd fix that.
I'd forget my failure to protect the Nova 5 crew.
The internecine religious wars of my people. I could do without that.

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3 Sad Woman What's the best thing to do after a serious psychological blow?
Get back to work immediately. Also, blame everyone.
Stop what you're doing, take stock and talk if you need to.
Pretend it didn't happen!
Focus on what you can control, like your hair!

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4 Brushing Teeth What is the most important part of your daily routine?
Climbing the ziggurat, lickety-split!
Hanging out after work
Cleaning
Grooming

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5 Making Friends How easily do you make new friends?
I invite them Morris dancing.
I listen to their problems.
Friends? Levity? Well, the concepts are still fairly new to me.
People are always attracted to me. I'm just that good lookin'.

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6 Style How would you describe your sense of style?
While I have infinite choices, I prefer to dress in accordance with the requirements of my employer, even away from work.
When I have the choice, red pleather is the way to go.
I just try to blend in.
Man, my wardrobe is so huge, you could get lost in it. It's all suits, it's all sharp and it's all mine!

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7 Calm What do you need to control in order to remain calm?
I can remain calm in any situation! They don't call me old iron ... Well, I could go on.
Frankly? Any nearby nuclear reactor.
Cleanliness. All must be clean.
As long as I can mark out some territory as my own, I'm calm.

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8 Social Group Among your social group, how many people are cooler than you?
Cool? I'm sorry, but I don't understand.
Probably just one or two other people.
Everyone, clearly.
No one. I'm the coolest of the cool. I'm deep-space-comet ice cold.

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9 Socializing Where do you rank in the pecking order?
Low, but I'm climbing that ziggurat. Did I mention? Up we go, lickety-split!
Middle management, just how I like it.
I'm at the very bottom, and I lovei t!
I'm always tops, no matter what anyone says. Or what it looks like.

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10 Pilots What job is your dream job?
Test pilot!
I'd love to sit on a beach and write books all day.
Cleaning!
Jobs are for suckers ... and humans.

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How do you feel about Captain Todhunter?
He's a smeghead.
He's a great boss.
He must be good because he is important.
That dude is ugly and doesn't know how to dress.

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12 Fiji Where do you dream of living?
On a ship of my very own
Fiji
I dream of living in a clean-room.
In a massive golden castle surrounded by a milk of moat

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13 Space Deep Space is very dirty. How do you keep it clean?
Dirt just passes through me without touching me.
Like anyone else; I have a robot do it for me.
I dedicate all my senses to detecting dirt and eradicating it!
I have everything I need to groom in my pockets.

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You meet an agonoid, a mechanoid designed to kill. What do you do?
Run away!
Reprogram it. I'm a great coder.
Defend my humans
Hairspray plus match equals flamethrower, dude.

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15 Computer How do you feel about the ship's computer?
I appreciate that Holly recognizes my unique value to the crew.
Holly's OK.
Could be cleaner
Loser. Holly may be just a head, but seriously, put some gel on that head, you know what I mean?

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16 Holding Hands How touchy-feely are you?
I wish I could be.
I used to be, back in my own universe.
I only touch people's personal effects so I can clean them.
Everyone wants to touch me, but not everyone gets to!

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17 Bad Hair Day What do you fear the most?
A blackout
A reactor meltdown
That greasy filth you find under a cooker
A bad hair day

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18 Mess Hall You go to the mess when it's full of crew. Who do you sit with?
I eat standing in a corner then go and "booth" the rest of lunchbreak.
I sit with my friends, who are numerous.
I don't sit; I just clean.
I sit wherever I want, and the cool folks come to me.

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19 Smile What sort of smile do you have?
My mother says it is a very good smile.
Pinball
Awkward
Dazzling

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20 Child What's the worst thing that ever happened to you as a child?
I died once. Also, I was almost held back in school.
I died once.
I saw a dirty room and I couldn't clean it immediately. Also, all my friends died.
Everyone I know died.

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21 Universe What is your biggest personal regret?
My death
Coming to this universe
I have yet to clean everything.
I regret hanging out with these uncool crewmates.

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Photographs of 20th-century telegraph poles
Items to help with my move to Fiji
Cleaning products
Combs

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23 Dancing What's your dance move?
Morris dancing
I have a few moves.
I have been made aware of flossing, and I can do it, somewhat.
I can out-tap-dance a Blue Midget!

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24 Starbugger You're going to be on board Starbug for a few days. What do you bring?
Revision materials for the officer exam
A few games, a few cans, maybe
Cleaning equipment
A few days? Ooh, that'll require 147 suits and 26 combs.

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25 Quarantine You're stuck on Mimas, the most boring of Saturn's moons. What do you do for fun?
Nothing. Why, what have you heard?
Go dancing with friends
I try to clean it up!
Wherever I go, the party goes with me.

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26 Liverpool What part of the world are you from?
Greater London
Liverpool
I'm not sure I'm "from" anywhere.
I'm from space, man!

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27 Old Lady What's your catchphrase?
"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast."
"How did I end up like this?"
"Has anyone ever told you that the configuration and juxtaposition of your features is extraordinarily apposite?"
"I've been so worried I haven't buffed my shoes in my two days."

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28 Dave Lister What would make your time on "Red Dwarf" more fun?
A hard light drive
My friends coming to this universe
A new mop
Some lady friends

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29 Mop copy What's your most precious possession?
A camphor wood trunk
My red leather trousers
My mop
My pompadour

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30 Rimmer Experience What's your take on the Rimmer Experience Museum?
Very accurate; I love it.
It's nauseating.
I'm so proud of it.
I am highly offended.

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You Got:

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